First Moments of My 50th Year

It's 5am on the first day of my 50th year and I've woken up while moving in the fog and mist toward "the Rock"
where hundreds of my colleagues and members of the United Church of Canada are discerning future direction for this Church of mine.

As the Church finds itself in its 90th year it is faced with the perennial questions of every organization: What is our purpose in this time and place? How will we most effectively use those resources we have to do that which we believe to be our mission?

My journey of late has not been dissimilar. It's been an inward journey of listening to the deepest core of my being.  And what I was hearing in those days was not easy to acknowledge or share because it made me question much of my life... And, I knew that to be faithful to that emerging voice would have a huge impact on all those around me. 

Yes, I wish I'd found the courage to listen to the inner voice, and accept its message sooner.  And yes, I wish I'd found a gentler way of communicating my emerging truth to those around me.  I feel deeply for all who have been impacted.  It was never my intent to hurt you in any way - but - the hurt was unavoidable. I can only hope that the journey forward is one of healing and wholeness for all as each of us answers for ourselves: What is my purpose?  How will I use the time and resources at my at my disposal to accomplish that which I understand to be my purpose?

I figure, if I'm lucky, and the stars align, and Harper does not get re-elected, that I have 20 productive years left.  20 years in which to:
- deepen and broaden my ties to my community
- be of continued service to the disenfranchised and most vulnerable
- to hear and tell stories of hope and courage, of love and peace
- to know and share love fully and completely 

20 years.  Anything after that is icing... And of course, I may not get 10... I may not even get to the end of this week. That's why this moment, this now is so important.  And so, as I am learning, in a new and profound way: "Enjoy the moment."

Perhaps that can be my mantra at General Council for those who are commissioners: Enjoy this moment of struggle and discernment.  Enjoy this moment of truth telling in community.  Yes, enjoy these moments for these too will pass...

 ..on the Sabbath Road...


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